soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I believe in your delicious
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
