When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
