I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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