Duck Duck Cougar?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
