I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
