Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
