I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
