There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
