if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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