dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
