Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Randomize