the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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