i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
