My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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