The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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