hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
