when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
