that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
