lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
