It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
