You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize