well I can't set my house on fire every night
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
