I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
