I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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