just tell him i said nine months
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
