My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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