i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just found puke in my bra..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
