if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
