I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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