I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
