I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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