I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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