I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
