Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
