I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
