Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
