you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
