My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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