my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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