Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize