so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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