im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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