you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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