that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Two words: nipple clamps
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