I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
