dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
