At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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