I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize