had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
