Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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