I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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