WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
