I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
