some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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