she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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