Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
