Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
