the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she looked like the before picture.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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