1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
