i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
