what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
