I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
