he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
