What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
not ubering you a puppy
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
