My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
