Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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