oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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