Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
