Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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