i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
