you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
