Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
