Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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