the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
