Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
