whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
