He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
