I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have demons in me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
