tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
