He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
