Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
