p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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