I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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