Your dad touched me again.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have tasted many bathrooms
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
