I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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